RECOGNIZING THE CYCLES OF ABUSE IN MY HOME, I MADE A CONSCIOUS DECISION TO BE NOTHING LIKE WHAT I SAW. BUT AS I MOVED THROUGH LIFE—FAILED RELATIONSHIPS, STRAINED FRIENDSHIPS—I STARTED TO SEE REFLECTIONS OF MY PAST IN THE WAY I NAVIGATED THEM. I REALIZED THAT THE WAY I HELD PEOPLE AT A DISTANCE, and THE WAY I GUARDED MYSELF WASN’T JUST INSTINCT—IT WAS SURVIVAL. IT WAS A RESPONSE TO THE SUFFERING I HAD ALREADY ENDURED, A WAY TO KEEP MY HEART SAFE FROM MORE. AND THROUGH THAT, I CAME TO UNDERSTAND SOMETHING DEEPER: PAIN AND LOVE ARE INSEPARABLE.

I draw myself. and In each portrait, I confront the parts of me I’d rather turn away from—the pain, the failure, the addictions, the VICES. Sitting with them, line by line, PEELS away the SHAME. I leave with a clearer reflection,  lighter and more willing to be better for the people in my life and those who will follow. I no longer see myself as split between Yves and Santana. The good isn’t separate from the bad anymore—it’s all blended into a kind of gray. I am both love and loss, light and dark. My work is not just about cycles, My work is the cycle.

SANTANA.