WHAT IF NO-ONE STAYS?

ANYTHING THAT REMINDS YOU THAT REAL LOVE IS QUIET AND STEADY, YOU REJECT IT. BECAUSE BEING PICKED BY SOMEONE YOU HAD TO EARN—ESPECIALLY SOMEONE EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE, CHAOTIC, HARD TO IMPRESS—THAT FEELS LIKE REDEMPTION, THAT FEELS LIKE HEALING.

IT’S NOT.

IT’S JUST ANOTHER PERFORMANCE.

YOU KNOW WHAT’S LET’S REWIND, BECAUSE THIS DIDN’T START WITH ROMANCE. THIS STARTED LONG BEFORE. MAYBE IT WAS A PARENT WHOSE LOVE YOU HAD TO EARN. A CAREGIVER WHO PRAISED YOU ONLY WHEN YOU WERE USEFUL, BUT NEVER WHEN YOU WERE HURT. A FAMILY SYSTEM THAT REWARDED PERFORMANCE AND PUNISHED EMOTIONAL NEEDS. SO YOU ADAPTED. YOU LEARNED TO BE EASY, CHARMING, SMART, HELPFUL, PLEASANT—NEVER TOO MUCH. YOU BECAME WHOEVER YOU NEEDED TO BE JUST TO AVOID ABANDONMENT. YOU BECAME THE VERSION OF YOURSELF THAT WAS MOST LIKELY TO BE CHOSEN, AND THE VERSION OF YOU THAT WASN’T, YOU BURIED THEM.

NOW YOU’RE GROWING, BUT THE WOUND REMAINS.

YOU SAY YOU WANT LOVE, BUT WHAT YOU NEED IS VALIDATION. YOU SAY YOU WANT PARTNERSHIP, BUT YOU MEAN A WITNESS WHO WILL FINALLY SAY YOU’RE GOOD ENOUGH. YOU MISTAKE ANXIETY FOR CHEMISTRY. YOU MISTAKE DISTANCE FOR MYSTERY. YOU TAKE SOMEONE’S UNPREDICTABILITY FOR A CHALLENGE YOU NEED TO WIN—BECAUSE DEEP DOWN, YOU BELIEVE THAT THE HARDER THEY ARE TO EARN, THE MORE VALUABLE YOU MUST BE IF THEY CHOOSE YOU.

SO YOU CHASE UNAVAILABLE PEOPLE AND CALL IT FATE. YOU PINE AFTER THE ONE WHO WON’T TEXT BACK AND CALL IT ROMANTIC TENSION. YOU IGNORE THE STEADY LOVE THAT FEELS UNFAMILIAR—BECAUSE DEEP DOWN, YOUR NERVOUS SYSTEM IS WIRED FOR CHAOS.

LET ME SAY THIS AS CLEARLY AS POSSIBLE:

YOU ARE NOT ADDICTED TO LOVE.

YOU ARE ADDICTED TO PERFORMANCE.

YOU ARE ADDICTED TO PURSUIT.

YOU ARE ADDICTED TO TRYING TO PROVE THAT YOU ARE ENOUGH.

AND LOVE—TRUE, GROUNDED, EMOTIONALLY SECURE LOVE—WON’T MAKE YOU PROVE ANYTHING.

WHICH IS WHY IT FEELS BORING, FOREIGN, OFF.

BECAUSE REAL LOVE DOESN’T SPIKE YOUR NERVOUS SYSTEM. IT DOESN’T TRIGGER YOUR FIGHT OR FLIGHT. IT DOESN’T MAKE YOU QUESTION YOUR WORTH EVERY FIVE MINUTES. REAL LOVE DOESN’T FEEL LIKE CONQUEST. IT FEELS LIKE HOME.

TO SOMEONE WHO WAS RAISED TO PERFORM, HOME FEELS SUSPICIOUS—BECAUSE IT DOESN’T ASK YOU TO EARN IT.

SO, MY DARLING, WHAT ARE YOU REALLY AFRAID OF?

BECAUSE YOU’RE NOT AFRAID OF REJECTION.

YOU ARE AFRAID OF BEING SEEN WITHOUT THE SPARKLE.

YOU ARE AFRAID OF BEING HELD WHEN YOU’RE NOT IMPRESSIVE.

YOU ARE AFRAID OF BEING TRULY KNOWN.

BECAUSE WHAT IF—WHEN YOU FINALLY STOP PERFORMING—NO ONE STAYS?